Waterfalls, goals and 25.

So I’ve been gone from this for a little while (regrettably) and I thought about updating this so many times but never actually took the time to sit down and do it. So I just turned 25 and now I’m feeling that urge to do something with myself and my life. Last year I moved into my first place alone and while I struggled with so much ‘me’ time to begin with (and boy, did I whinge about it) now I’ve come to depend on it and require more alone time to recharge myself. I’m moving again in two weeks into somewhat of an apartment, cheaper rent, closer to town centre, bigger kitchen, no charge for water usage and a balcony!!! Kinda feels like I won the lottery with this one. I feel more determined than ever to actually go and complete my diploma so this year I really want to work on saving a lot of money and relocating to the city to get it done. I spent my 25th birthday in Halls Gap in The Grampians and swimming in a waterfall (Mackenzie Falls) and it was probably the best way to spend my birthday without really acknowledging it. I didn’t have a single breakdown about it, though I did have a couple of dreams about it. This year I really want to worry less about others and how I fit into their lives and just allow things to happen and not get too caught up in my emotions. Not sure how successful I’m going to be in that but I want to be happy within myself and not depend on others for validation. I’d also really like to not get caught up in my mental illness this year and not indulge in self destructive behaviours or things that I know will harm me. If not for myself, for someone else I care a lot about and don’t want to disappoint.

Simple goals for myself this year:

  • Save money.
  • Possibly travel to a state I’ve never visited. Swim in more waterfalls.
  • Find peace within myself and my life, even when I can’t control all situations.
  • Stress less about the little things.
  • Find new hobbies and interests that bring me happiness and validation from myself.

 

 

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Great Ocean Road (late post)

So those are all my pictures from my trip when I did Great Ocean Road in early November (oops!). The ones I like, at least. I don’t actually like any of them anymore because VSCO Cam was recently released for Android (long after these pictures were taken) and I lost the originals so there’s no use trying to re-edit them. I’d been waiting for VSCO for sooo long and it’s basically the only editing app I use now, it’s my favourite. We left Friday and drove to Warrnambool and stayed overnight there, I always love going to Warrnambool, I think I’d actually like to move there in the near future. Saturday morning we drove Great Ocean Road and drove to Lorne, stopping at a few of the sites along the way. The weather was pretty bad and we got rained on for most of the day so my photo’s didn’t come out too great, I mostly stuck to using my Instax Mini to document the trip with because it was easier (and easier to scrapbook, which I’ve only just now started doing!) When we got to Lorne we checked in and basically went out and had a look around, bought some alcohol and food and stayed in the room all night. We checked out a waterfall just before Lorne but I forget what it was called, but you could actually hike (basically) to the base of it and even walk into it if you wanted, there was a whole family down there doing a photoshoot with their newborn though so I didn’t get to explore as much as I wanted to, but I’ll probably head back there one day to look at all the falls we skipped. Melba Gully was gorgeous and is one of my favourite places on Earth, I’ll definitely go back to see how things have changed in a few years. We stayed the night in Lorne and headed out to Geelong on Sunday morning, we checked out Erskine Fall before we left because it was one of the falls with the shortest distance to walk to get to it, we were completely unaware the entire distance was steep stairs all the way down. I got so lightheaded on the way back up and it was partly because we’d walked so much and so many sets of stairs the day before, and I also think going back up through the rainforest messed with my head and lungs a little bit, adjusting to the air again. We saw the 12 Apostles along Great Ocean Road but we got rained on the whole time so I didn’t get to enjoy it as much as I would have. But I’ll definitely go back, it’s a really cool trip to do. Just make sure you don’t have to pee the whole time because that is painful! So many twists and turns.

Sometimes it takes a slight change to make a big difference.

Flic and I went to Warrnambool again a couple of weekends ago and saw some waterfalls. It was a really nice day until we got back into town and had a car accident. But we’re okay, her car not so much. I was worried it would put me off driving again but I’ve driven since and I felt fine about it. I’ve spent today thinking a lot about how far I’ve come this year. It’s so strange how one thing, like randomly deciding to chop your fringe off, and then chopping it even shorter, can throw you into a whole new level of self confidence. It’s so liberating to just decide to cut my hair and not care what anyone else thinks. I’ve never felt better about myself and had a better attitude towards myself until I cut my hair like this. I basically feel like I can take on the whole world and I’ll still look tough as doing it. And despite the fact that a year ago this day would have been significant to me for another reason, today now marks 9 months of learning to love myself and look out for myself and not depend on anyone else to do it, because they will always drop the ball. I wish it didn’t take until I was 22 (almost 23) to figure out how important it is to like yourself for who you are and to be okay with things you view as your flaws and things you tried to hide from everyone (even partners) for years. Today I feel great and I know, now, that the way I was living a year ago, desperately trying to please someone else and constantly trying to prove my worth to them, is not the right way to live and if someone can’t like or love me for who I am now and how I look, then I don’t need ‘em! Thankful to have had this lesson in self discovery this year. I’m so proud of myself and that’s not something I’ve felt for a very long time.