I had the laziest day today. I slept in, woke up late, drank a big pot of tea to myself, did a hair treatment, laid on the couch under my doona and watched 80’s/90’s movies all afternoon/night. I forgot how nice it is to be comfortable in my own company. I find myself alone often but it’s not always as easy to be in my own company as it was today, sometimes I struggle and overthink myself to a point of frustration and dissatisfaction with myself and my life but today I just felt so content. My mental state was in a really good place today and I felt so at ease within myself, which is rare for me. I hope this year I can feel this more often and not succumb to my unstable moods as much as last year. 2015/24 was probably the toughest year I’ve ever had in terms of mental health and stability. I feel like I completely lacked any grounding and I found myself spiralling so frequently I could never really get a grasp of myself to help myself. I think when I move into my new apartment I’m going to adopt/rescue a cat for companionship and support. I feel like having a sense of responsibility for something else will help me keep focussed on getting to a good place and knowing I can come home to cuddle a bundle of fluff and joy will give me a lot to look forward to. My cat that I’d had since I was 8 years old passed away on boxing day just gone and I feel a sense of emptiness knowing she’s no longer around and that she isn’t at my parents house when I go to visit them. I still look for her all the time.
These are just some pictures I’ve taken lately that I’m proud of. Sometimes finding beauty in things like this is enough to feel like a breath of fresh air and those seem to be few and far between lately. I’ll take them where I can get them.