Vegan friendly make up.

As I approach my 2 year vegan anniversary I’ve started to declutter and minimise my make up collection and eliminate any ‘iffy’ products. These are pretty much my every day items. Brands consisting of Milani, Designer Brands (Australian and all vegan), ELF, Lime Crime & Hurraw. I wear a Kat Von D Beauty lipstick every day, my current go to’s are Lolita II and Plath. Lolita II for natural days, Plath for days I want to wear something red. 

I use the Lime Crime Pink Lemonade palette for my brows currently (the deep shade – Baby Cake) as I am waiting on my Colourpop order to arrive (I can’t wait to try their brow pomade!!). Hurraw lip balm to prep and hydrate my lips before applying lipstick. Designer Brands bronzer in Coffee to contour, DB waterproof lash extension mascara or their Extend-A-Lash fibre mascara, DB holographic highlighter in Unicorn Dust (lilac highlighter) & DB kohl pencil to line. ELF highlighter in Moonlight Pearls and Becca shimmering skin perfector in Moonstone (my absolute favourite highlight in the world). 

I don’t tend to wear a ‘base’ anymore as I eliminated foundation from my make up routine. My skin kept changing and nothing was working for me so I decided to cut it out and get my skin under control instead (and I did, thanks to the Swisse brand of skincare). I was wearing full coverage foundations (Kat Von D, Tarte & Designer Brands were my favourites). If I ever need to conceal (a random bad pimple or something) I use Designer Brands blur primer for my problematic pores, Essence Camouflage concealer and Australis Fresh & Flawless powder.

These are my favourite vegan eyeshadow palettes. Violet Voss Ride or Die, Lime Crime Pink Lemonade, BYS Peach palette & BYS Berries palette (a vegan and cruelty free dupe for the Anastasia Beverly Hills Modern Renaissance palette, and only $15!) 

I’m trying really hard to be strict with any make up I purchase and want to be 100% sure what I am purchasing contains no sneaky animal products (carmine, so many palettes that could otherwise be vegan contain crushed up bugs – disgusting!) so just ‘cruelty free’ isn’t enough for me anymore. I feel like people think there isn’t a lot of vegan make up around but there is so many options from all ends of the price spectrum. High end palettes like Violet Voss (from memory the Ride or Die was $115) to the ‘lower end’ (but not at all low in quality) BYS palettes, there are great vegan friendly palettes all around. Brands are catching on as ‘cruelty free’ becomes trendy, but cruelty free labels don’t eliminate all unnecessary suffering from the product (eg carmine) so it pays to be aware and understand what is going into your products and into your skin.

Violet Voss Ride or Die palette & Lolita II featured in above images. A perfect palette for all year round!


Goodbye 5/184.

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A few weeks ago I moved out of my little flat that was my home for two years. It was the second place I ever lived alone in and it was the first place to really feel like home to me. I spent two years there, decorating it my way, learning who I am and learning to embrace that, sharing my space with my feline companion, Sebastian. I moved back in with my parents so I could save money and pay off debts so I can move to America as stress free as possible in a couple of months. Kae and I decided that financially, it makes more sense that I temporarily relocate to the states and then we return to Australia together after we get married and all that. I guess I’ve been so swept up in my happiness and excitement for our new life together that I never really put so much thought into how big of a decision and change I am making. I don’t regret any of it, Kae is the only thing I’ve ever been this sure about in my life and I’m not going to let her slip through my fingers. I’m excited at the adventure that’s to come and I am excited to have finally found peace within myself and another person, simultaneously. I’ve gone from unhealthy coping mechanisms to unhealthy or unfulfilling relationships and just kind of always thought that was as good as it would get for me. I grew up believing I didn’t need to plan ahead or set myself up for anything because I truly thought by the time I hit 30, I probably would have succumbed to my depression, anxiety and borderline personality disorder and ended myself. That was the only future I saw for myself. Every decision I made was a temporary anchor to keep myself around just a little bit longer so I wouldn’t burden or disappoint my family with my inability to simply exist. I look back on who I’ve been and I don’t even recognise her from the person I am at this current moment. With Kae entering my life and a new therapist, I have found the strength within myself to fight for myself and actually will myself to get better. I haven’t felt truly suicidal in a long time which is a huge deal for me as I have been consistently suicidal since I was 14, I am now about to turn 27 and I feel lifetime’s away from the emotionally raw girl that I was. I still haven’t found an ambition for myself but the fact that I can actually see and desire a future is amazing for me now. I kept throwing myself into relationships with people who were as damaged as I was, in different ways and constantly ended up hurt and back in my destructive cycle. Kae is different. She willingly sought me out after knowing about my shaky mental health and through nothing but patience and honesty has taught me to care for myself and lean on her when I need a little more support. I never really believed in soulmates, at least not in a romantic sense, I didn’t believe a long term relationship was possible for me but the first time my eyes met hers I felt like I was home. I don’t think I’ve ever felt anything like that before in my life. Our relationship, despite being long distance right now is everything I’ve ever wanted and needed. I will never take for granted how absolutely lucky I am to have a love like this and a person like Kae in my life.

I just went on a love fueled ramble but in moving back in with my parents, I have struggled to adapt and re-adjust. I am so used to my independence and living alone that I am struggling to navigate my way back into this living arrangement. I miss simple things, like having my own bathroom, being able to cook at any time of day or night, being able to walk naked from the bathroom to my bedroom, being able to camp out in front of the TV in the lounge room. All seemingly simple things but with so many personalities under one roof its hard to avoid arguments and frustration. I guess I just need to give myself time to adjust, I lived alone for 3 years and moving back into a house with 3 other people will take some getting used to. I’m trying to minimise everything in my life so that when I pack up and go to the states, I can fit everything into one suitcase and one backpack. I want to live as lightly as possible for the rest of my life. Simplicity and structure put my mind at ease and allow little room for me to become emotionally overwhelmed, helping to keep my BPD and anxiety at bay. Luckily I have someone who understands me and understands the importance of these things and helps reinforce them every day.

Minimise belongings.
Minimise`emotional clutter.
Minimise stress.
Minimise triggers.
Maximise serenity & happiness.

2018 Motivations.

I don’t like the idea of resolutions but I like to give myself motivations and things to work toward and be conscious of to better myself overall. These are what I came up with for 2018/year 27 of my life.

  • Be more crafty – practice/learn to watercolour & try to learn/teach yourself hand embroidery again. Try DIY bath and beauty products.
  • Go on photo walks, see more of’outside’.
  • Journal more/document life more – with mediums other than social media.
  • Minimise everything!! (Items will not make you happy.)
  • Be more conscious of what you put into your body – energy included.
  • Listen to your body more – learn your limits and accept them. (Mental/emotional limits included)
  • Be less reckless with money. Stop seeking instant gratification and satisfaction when you want things. Again, items will not make you happy.

2017 wrap up.

Kae came to visit in November and we spent a week in Melbourne, visiting The Great Ocean Road, The Grampians and my home town where she met my family and my best friend. It was the first time we met in person and I was so nervous about kissing her and I was stressing myself out, I felt like a nervous teenager again but she eased my nerves immediately. As soon as I looked into her eyes I felt like I was home. I’ve never felt as comfortable and safe with someone as I do with her and it was such an easy decision for me to move out of my flat and leave my job in 2 months and fly to Florida to be with her. I never thought I’d be that person that said “when you know, you just know” but god, I just have a feeling and I need to run with it. I love this person and I love the way she makes me feel and the way she makes me want to be better to myself and I want her by my side while I heal and grow into a better version of myself, and I want to be there with her while she does the same. I’ve never felt like this before and I think all my heartache was preparing me for a relationship where I could actually see and feel my value.

I didn’t even get a final Christmas in my flat, I had expected to be there until after the holidays but they found a new tenant so fast. I’m relieved not to be paying rent anymore and to be able to pay off bills and debts but I miss my little home. I was not ready to move out yet, it was the only place that really felt like home to me and I thought I had more time to detach. Sebastian is slowly adjusting to living at my parents house, I think he thought I was dropping him off and leaving because he usually stays here while I’m away. He’s finally warmed back up to me and is sleeping with me again, it took him a week. I’m worried about leaving him for Florida for a few months. I don’t want him to hate me when I get back. I took him outside for a wander the other day and he loved it. I love seeing him excited about the dirt and the grass and the flowers. He’s so cute and sweet.

2017 was a pretty big year for me, I guess. I ended a relationship I thought I was happy in but I think I was misunderstood the entire time. I started seeing a new therapist and she’s great, I adore her and we get along really well. If she wasn’t my therapist I’d want to be her friend. I met Kae not long after I ended that other relationship, she messaged me on tumblr of all places and she said she knew that I had just ended a relationship and I wasn’t in a good place and she knew what I needed so she waited. It’s so strange to me that someone could feel like that about me before even really knowing me. I just know that she is my person and I want to experience everything with her. I’m really excited for what our life together will bring. I feel excited for the future for the first time in a really long time (possibly the first time in my life?) and I can’t wait.